I?m not easily shocked by things I read on the?affair discussion forums, because lets face it, when it comes to people having relationships and sex behind their spouses back, I see some pretty questionable behavior on a regular basis. From people? fucking their affair partners in their?freshly made marital bed,?to a woman whose affair partner wants her to?dress up in his wife?s clothes?while they do the horizontal waltz, I have pretty much seen it all.
But then along came Karen. (not her real name)
Karen?introduced herself?to the forum in an unabashed manner full of confidence and spunk. As I read her introductory post, I was taken back and actually had to go back and read it twice to make sure what I was reading was actually?what I was reading.
You see,?some people have affairs?because they don?t feel wanted or desired in their primary relationship and seek to get the intimacy that is missing at home from someone else. Some people have affairs because they are simply horny as all get out and can?t help themselves from getting in between the sheets with someone other than their spouse. Some do it for the thrill and excitement of doing something naughty.
Karen though?. She was different.
Oh, sure, she wanted? sex. She? loves the thrill of having a clandestine affair and Karen made it perfectly clear that she was a huge fan of recreational sex She loves to bed men. In her words, ?There are way too many yummy men out there to not have a taste of them all.?
But Karen also had affairs because she wanted her children to have good genetics which she believed that her husband could not provide.
Karen?s two young children were fathered by two different men neither of whom is her husband, and hubby is none the wiser.
By all accounts, Karen?s husband is very successful financially and Karen is adamant that she loves him. ?I love my husband.? She says. ? He has given me a comfortable and stable life. Because of his great job and his ability to provide me and my children with resources, I will never divorce him.?? Karen is unapologetic about her lifestyle choice and in fact defends it with zeal saying that really this is just nature at its core. Karen is of the opinion that she is in touch with her evolutionary truth and that unlike other women, she has acknowledged her subconscious desires to acquire the most resources and best genes as possible, and is? using it to her advantage as she explains below:
Nature wants us to mate with strong, virile men who can beat the shit out of the other men, have strong immune systems and produce the highest quality DNA sperm. But these types of testosterone driven men rarely, if ever, make good long-term partners.
My husband is a sensitive caring man with soft features. The men who fathered my children are much better looking, more masculine, and healthier than my hubby. If you were to ever meet my husband, you would agree that he is not the ideal man to mate with, but he would be a good dad.
While I found this to be provocative, I also found it to be terribly interesting as I have often wondered what role?evolutionary psychology?and genetics played in relationships that were highlighted by infidelity. You know the thinking?. Is there something in our DNA that makes us want to fuck that hot secretary or to bed down the new guy at the gym even though we have a spouse waiting at home? Are we hard wired to cheat on our spouses? Is monogamy even natural? Hell, even foot fetishes can be traced to evolution, as men are evolutionarily wired to look for small feet, which are a sign of high estrogen production, which itself is a sign of fertility, which explains why I have an uncontrollable urge to? fuck every single women that is sporting anything under a size 10 pair of Uggs. But I digress.
When I asked Karen her thoughts on whether she thought we as a species were evolutionary predisposed to cheat she was quick to say that:
I certainly think it is unnatural to be monogamous. There is a lot of evidence that cheating is an important part of human evolution. Men try to spread their seed beyond their relationships. Women such as myself try to get the best genes for their children. I think society is in a losing battle with trying to change the way we are wired. Everyone should accept that monogamy is unnatural.? As women, our goal in life is to secure the most resources and best possible genes for our children. Sometimes you can?t get both from one man.
Karen is obviously a woman that knows exactly want she wants and is not in the least bit afraid to go out and get it. I asked Karen if she wouldn?t mind if I picked her brain and she graciously accepted my request for an interview, the result of which is below:
Your 2 children were fathered by 2 different lovers. Are you worried that you husband might become suspicious that he isn?t in fact the father? Looks, mannerisms, personality traits that aren?t shared by the children, especially as they grow older?
Obviously this is one of my biggest concerns. During my research into mixed mating strategies many years ago, I was looking for how often the true paternity was exposed. Obviously in the old, old, old days it was virtually never discovered unless there were racial differences. Nowadays, if my children were to have a serious health problem that required blooding testing or something like that it could come up. But those odds are low because the fathers of my children are healthy, strong, and virile men. It is my belief that no matter what, people are going to tell us that my children have their father?s eyes or chin or something. People see what they want to see and naturally ignore any evidence that goes against their pre-conceived notions. I think my husband will do the same thing.
You said the following:
?Nature wants us to mate with strong, virile men who can beat the shit out of the other men, have strong immune systems and produce the highest quality DNA sperm. But these types of testosterone driven men rarely, if ever, make good long-term partners?.
So are you ok with the fact that your children might not be well suited to being good long-term partners?
That is an impossible question to answer. My children are much more likely to inherit their fathers looks rather than their personalities. Who?s to say they won?t be good long-term partners? The important thing is there is a good chance they will be attractive. That gives them the opportunity to produce lots of grandchildren for me. That is the ultimate goal, leaving behind as many descendants as possible.
You are unapologetic about the fact you had sex outside of your marriage in order to ensure that you children had the best genes possible. How would you feel if one of your own children gave you a grandchild, conceived under the same type of situation that you chose?
Well, if that were to happen I would obviously not know about it. If my son were to impregnate someone?s wife without the husband ever finding out, then that would give me a bonus grandbaby! Obviously if my daughter were to do the same thing I am doing then I wouldn?t be in a position to criticize her. As women, our goal in life is to secure the most resources and best possible genes for our children. Sometimes you can?t get both from one man.
When did you first become conscious of your desire to have certain aspects of your life fulfilled by different partners? Have you cheated in all of your relationships? Was there something in an early relationship that was an ?awakening? for you?
I guess I am what you would call a ?professional adulteress.? I have cheated in every relationship I have ever been in, including my marriage. I am an infidelity expert and I am very discreet. I have read a lot of material on infidelity. Not once has my husband shown suspicion about my affairs nor does he know that my lovers fathered the two children. I don?t know if it was an early relationship that made me the way I am. I think I am just not a monogamous person. There are way too many yummy men out there to not have a taste of them all.
Other than the fact that your husband is a good provider, are there other qualities about him that keep you with him? Do you enjoy sex with him? If so, how often?
Yes, he is one of the nicest and most emotionally available men I?ve ever known. If he were a woman he would be my best friend. He is a great husband. I would venture to say that most women would never even think about cheating on him. I do not expect him to be a stallion in bed like my lovers, but he is ok. When we have sex (these days about once a month or so), I don?t mind it.
Do you think that your husband has been faithful to you? If you found out that he had in fact had sex outside of the marriage, would you be angry or disappointed, or would you be able to accept it because men are hard wired to spread their seed far and wide?
I seriously doubt my husband has ever been unfaithful. It is not the way he is. He was a virgin until we started dating. He was 36 when I took his virginity. He has never been the player type and I can tell he embraces being married and ?off-limits.?
Ever thought about broaching the subject of an open relationship with your husband?
An open relationship with my husband? No way. One of the main reasons I married him is his ability to provide me and my children with the resources we need. I don?t want to share my husband?s time and money with other women. That is out of the question.
It?s impossible to know how prevalent situations like this are as people won?t freely admit to it, but I get the impression that you think it happens a lot more than we might think. Thoughts?
Of course there are lots of other women in the same situation as myself. If you believe the paternity statistics (I do), approximately 10% of children are raised by non-biological dads. How many of those 10% besides myself admit to it? Probably not very many. Obviously I admit to it, but anonymously. We will never admit to it on-record because of the ramifications we would face.
Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
For me, I?ve never felt any guilt about any of the affairs I?ve had. I?ve often said that I?m like a man-I can fuck men the way men fuck women, without any guilt-and get right back into bed with my husband at night without the slightest tinge of remorse.
Would you say that you are gaining something emotionally from your affairs or are you in it purely for the sex?
Sex, that?s it. My husband does a great job with meeting my emotional needs. I have never had an emotional affair because I have never needed to. The cause for all my affairs has been pure lust.
What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
I take every precaution. I even do things I don?t have to do. But as far as the simple things, I?ve always only communicated with my lovers via email. And I would only access it at work. The phone thing never comes into the equation, which makes things so much easier. No single lovers! I?ve always looked for married or taken men, excluding one-night stands. Never change your attitude or appearance at home. When I am with my lovers, I am a sexual being. When I am at home, I am Mother. Only my best friend knows about my affairs. She is my alibi and also a good reference point to hold me in check if she notices that I?m getting too involved with my lover or I?m starting to act careless. I also make sure she knows when all my dates are happening so she doesn?t accidentally call my home while I?m out.
What?s the best and worst thing about being in an affair?
The best thing about being in an affair is the great sex. You see, the minute you get married and have a child, you become Mother. My lovers never knew me as Mother. To them, I was a sexual being. I?ve always told myself the worst thing about being in an affair is getting caught. Since this has never happened to me, I haven?t experienced the worst thing about having an affair. I hope I never do.
?Karen? certainly has found a way to live out the hypergamist dream ? married to the most betafied man on the planet who works hard to provide for her and some other guys? children while she throws him a bone of once-a-month-sex. ?But she?s not a slut because she gets her ?emotional needs? met by her husband, right?
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